I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
