Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
