We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
