Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I CAN MOONWALK!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
