do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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