The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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