In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
