Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
