bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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