I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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