Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
