I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
