Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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