Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
