I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
