If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
