it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
