best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is the high leading the old right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
