I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
