so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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