every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Cover your peen. We're going out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize