ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
