The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
