I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
