i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
