Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize