hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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