I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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