I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
