had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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