I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
