come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
