Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
