he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
vagina is talking i cant
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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