Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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