Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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