i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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