i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
