What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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