Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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