walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize