i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
please come you make the beer taste better
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
