How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
