You work out of a Hotel?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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