i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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