Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
