News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
