Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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