He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
