Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
