the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
