i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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