So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
40s are totally the cure
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
