Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
