3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
