I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
