Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
