She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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