I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
