do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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