Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
