so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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