His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize