i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
