Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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