I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
