dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Will exercising make me less horny?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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