Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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