Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
